Sounds bizarre at first, but soon parents of multiples discover it
is real and it is prominent. Basically it’s a situation in which one twin does
something and then the other does it bigger or louder, and so on and so
forth. In all honesty, when I first read
of this, I thought 'Why isn't it called Sibling Escalation Syndrome?'.
THEN, I learned my lesson and I learned it well! Although our
singleton will escalate with his younger twin sisters, it only accounts for
approximately 1/3 of the instances we've experienced with all three escalating.
As per my experience, here's how TES has
played out through the years (so far):
*Newborns/Infants - The
sympathy cry ~ one cries; the other hears & cries as well. There is
not much a parent can do at this stage, especially if you're alone with the
two. If you're by yourself, you can try a sling/carrier for two, a baby
carrier for one with the other in your arm, or both in their car seats rocking
and rubbing their little feet. Obviously my husband and I had our hands
full carrying and rocking our girls during the 'Witching Hour' - that hour in
which it's time for dinner but you have two crying infants. Woooo!
Basically, we only concerned ourselves with their comfort and helping our
son adjust.
*Toddlers - This was a particularly
tough stage for us. TES manifested itself when one twin took her finger,
gagged herself and laughed. The other twin found this hilarious and
repeated. The louder the gag, the funnier....then....the puke. UGH.
Admittedly, I was not the nicest Mommy with this development. Hey, I feel like I owe any reader way more
than the high-light reels of life!!! You’re
welcome and I’m sorry – haha!! Another escalation
was taking a magazine, book or newspaper and shredding it. This is where their big bro was happy to
engage! Ain’t no kitten or puppy got a
thing on three young ones in destruction mode.
Found it was easier to let them destroy and clean it up myself.
*Preschool Age - You
have survived a few major milestones.
Preschoolers can talk much better and the escalation gets
interesting. Didn’t matter where we
were, if they wanted to scream; they would outdo each other. Big brother did not like this stage and would
say as much. Actually he’d say (loudly),
“They are SO annoying.” Most difficult was when the TES occurred while
shopping. You already have the largest
cart in the store, and then the loudness begins. My girls shouted out private body parts and
LAUGHED – over and over and over; louder and louder and louder. Grrrr and Sigh. My best approach was to stop the cart, get on
their level, and tell them quietly that we will leave. They believed me as I did follow through once
before and they remembered.
Pushing is another escalation that not only bugs me, but it really
bothers other people. Heck, I don’t want
two kids bumping into me or falling down – which also makes it a bit dangerous. I’ve been known to pinch a little when this
happens…in the aisle on a plane…a crowded plane. :/ Separation
is by far the most successful solution.
Seriously, I try to be as peaceful as possible. Seems like any peace is a welcome scenario –
haha!! Their preschool teachers would have them sit separately to keep everyone 'safe'! ;) Also the other kids could hear the teacher with the girls sitting on opposite sides of the class.
*School Age - My twins just turned five and will be
starting Developmental Kinder next year.
So here’s where I leave you. Our
twins play in the mud, color themselves and each other with markers (hint – get
rid of the black markers/paints; they’re really NOT washable), play dress up,
ignore me and SCREAM! TES is more of the same as listed above so far. I’ll gladly update what I find out!! Oh, I'll let y'all know how they do in class; there's only one DK so separating them is not an option, but I know it's a hot topic in our community.
All in all, I do believe the TES will last them their whole
lives. When they’re grown with families
of their own and get together, they may very well clear a room! Being a twin must be so incredible, not that
they’d know any different; so they might as well claim escalation as their own
syndrome to the exclusion of siblings.
The main difference is that….meh… I don’t actually know what the
difference is. I’m not the twin; I just
parent them. J
