Twin Escalation Syndrome

Sounds bizarre at first, but soon parents of multiples discover it is real and it is prominent. Basically it’s a situation in which one twin does something and then the other does it bigger or louder, and so on and so forth.  In all honesty, when I first read of this, I thought 'Why isn't it called Sibling Escalation Syndrome?'.  THEN, I learned my lesson and I learned it well!  Although our singleton will escalate with his younger twin sisters, it only accounts for approximately 1/3 of the instances we've experienced with all three escalating.

As per my experience, here's how TES has played out through the years (so far):

*Newborns/Infants - The sympathy cry ~ one cries; the other hears & cries as well.  There is not much a parent can do at this stage, especially if you're alone with the two.  If you're by yourself, you can try a sling/carrier for two, a baby carrier for one with the other in your arm, or both in their car seats rocking and rubbing their little feet.  Obviously my husband and I had our hands full carrying and rocking our girls during the 'Witching Hour' - that hour in which it's time for dinner but you have two crying infants.  Woooo!  Basically, we only concerned ourselves with their comfort and helping our son adjust.

*Toddlers - This was a particularly tough stage for us.  TES manifested itself when one twin took her finger, gagged herself and laughed.  The other twin found this hilarious and repeated.  The louder the gag, the funnier....then....the puke.  UGH. Admittedly, I was not the nicest Mommy with this development.  Hey, I feel like I owe any reader way more than the high-light reels of life!!!  You’re welcome and I’m sorry – haha!!  Another escalation was taking a magazine, book or newspaper and shredding it.  This is where their big bro was happy to engage!  Ain’t no kitten or puppy got a thing on three young ones in destruction mode.  Found it was easier to let them destroy and clean it up myself.

*Preschool Age -  You  have survived a few major milestones.  Preschoolers can talk much better and the escalation gets interesting.  Didn’t matter where we were, if they wanted to scream; they would outdo each other.  Big brother did not like this stage and would say as much.  Actually he’d say (loudly), “They are SO annoying.”   Most difficult was when the TES occurred while shopping.  You already have the largest cart in the store, and then the loudness begins.  My girls shouted out private body parts and LAUGHED – over and over and over; louder and louder and louder.  Grrrr and Sigh.  My best approach was to stop the cart, get on their level, and tell them quietly that we will leave.  They believed me as I did follow through once before and they remembered. 

Pushing is another escalation that not only bugs me, but it really bothers other people.  Heck, I don’t want two kids bumping into me or falling down – which also makes it a bit dangerous.  I’ve been known to pinch a little when this happens…in the aisle on a plane…a crowded plane.  :/  Separation is by far the most successful solution.  Seriously, I try to be as peaceful as possible.  Seems like any peace is a welcome scenario – haha!!  Their preschool teachers would have them sit separately to keep everyone 'safe'!  ;)  Also the other kids could hear the teacher with the girls sitting on opposite sides of the class.

*School Age -   My twins just turned five and will be starting Developmental Kinder next year.  So here’s where I leave you.  Our twins play in the mud, color themselves and each other with markers (hint – get rid of the black markers/paints; they’re really NOT washable), play dress up, ignore me and SCREAM! TES is more of the same as listed above so far.  I’ll gladly update what I find out!! Oh, I'll let y'all know how they do in class; there's only one DK so separating them is not an option, but I know it's a hot topic in our community.

All in all, I do believe the TES will last them their whole lives.  When they’re grown with families of their own and get together, they may very well clear a room!  Being a twin must be so incredible, not that they’d know any different; so they might as well claim escalation as their own syndrome to the exclusion of siblings.  The main difference is that….meh… I don’t actually know what the difference is.  I’m not the twin; I just parent them.  J

Notes on potty training twins

1) Just train them both at the same time - S trained a cpl days early by way of diaper rash. Totally lost all the work I had invested as soon as K started training.

2) Get two potty chairs and put them in TWO different bathrooms. They will play & destroy your bathroom if you put chairs in same room. They will stake claim to a chair & room and you'll like that. That donut-looking contraption that fits on the toilet will kill your back. 

3) Bribery is just more work for me. UGH - why did I start that again?  Lest we forget, twins feed off each other and when there's an older (by 2 yrs) singleton involved, well....Suffice to say, Positive Reinforcement is the solid way to go.

4) Don't worry about getting them separate undies & undy drawers. You'll be too busy w/accidents & various other kids' stuff to separate them from the laundry. If you're worried about them needing their individual pairs, just buy a bunch of the same color - problem solved. (Do the same thing with socks - you'll thank me later when you're not sorting a bunch of extra laundry).

5) Don't worry about the house looking like a dump. You won't have time to fuss with the small stuff.

6) If you can manage to get help, do it!!!! Husband & I did our best over the weekend as a tag-team, but now he's on a trip and I'm solo-training, phew.

7) Invest in the latex flannel and put them on your couch, chairs, etc - waterproofing is necessary if you want to keep your stuff pee-stain free. Double up on their sheets & waterproof flannels to lessen your work at night or morning. 

8) No toys in the bathroom. Learned this the hard way. Ahem....Oh Plumber...

9) Be OK with nighttime pull-ups.  It will give you some much needed rest.

10) Remember - this too shall pass.

Did I forget anything?  Probably! Ha ha! Disclaimer: Others may have a different experience and that is OK. 

The Sequential Order of the Morning

Easier said than done! When you have a singleton + twins, the learning curve is a straight up & down line - so it seems. I didn't know I was learning so much so quickly.  Then when I got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep; I realized I had a few tricks up my sleeve!
First and foremost, don't entirely give up YOUR morning routine. If your kids are your alarm clock as mine are to me, then you might find yourself (and others) seriously wishing you had brushed your teeth.  No one I know enjoys furry teeth! And don't even get me started on going to the bathroom again! But all is not lost as I did eventually take back my sequential order of morning.
So this wonderful morning routine tidbit came to me when my dear friend, Kay came to stay with me.  My husband travels a lot for work and with one trip after another...suffice to say my nerves/psyche/sense of self were quickly deteriorating. Being the wonderfully great friend she is, Kay flew out for a long weekend to help me out/provide some relief. Getting to sleep in (in the morning) is a god-send and Kay obliged. I did hear Kay get up with the kids and knew the kids were in loving hands (not to mention I was DEAD tired).  Later that day she said, "I don't know how you do it." (I have heard this phrase a gazillion times btw).  "Oh, whatever do you mean?" I ask hoping the kids didn't wreak complete havoc on her. We discussed this over the kids' nap time: the longest stretch of the day I get to sit & relax. Once I got up she had to RUN to the bathroom, had a caffeine headache & was starving.  Hmmmm...didn't you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth (my thing), set the coffee up, get them out of bed, fix them & yourself breakfast and put your coffee in a spill-proof travel mug?  WHAT???  Noooooo - she went to them straightaway, gave them hugs, changed their diapers, fixed them breakfast and then played w/them b/c that's what they needed/wanted; my friend explained.
Okay - Mommy takes care of Mommy 1st and foremost. It's imperative!  Kay was so relieved that I did all those things for myself before getting the kids out of bed and even said I could have another sleep-in the next day (God bless her).  Needless to say, things were a lot different for the best the next morning. 
Obviously, with any infant the first year (or two) has many changes to the order of things. You always hear how resilient babies are, but what about us?  Mommies are probably the most resilient of all beings!  I literally had to throw my 'change is chaos' way of thinking out the window.  As soon as I thought - yeah, I got this - the twins start walking.  Phffft!  Ego, meet the floor under my feet!  Several friends asking how I was doing regardless of the frizz on top of my head, dark circles under my eyes, and overall sense of defeat seeping out of every pore got the same resounding response - "I see the light of change! This is just a phase!".  Take care of business, take care of yourself! 
Now a few tips for those expecting twins that already have a singleton:
~ Become OK with a little crying. Don't let that stop you from going to the toilet!
~ If morning caffeine is your thing, invest in a spill-proof travel mug; preferably one that doesn't get hot on the outside.  Oh, and don't forget to close the lid when you set it down.
~ Remember - this too shall pass.
~ Tag team the morning with your partner if you can.  That's not a luxury for me as he's left for work before the kids wake up. Oh, and I take my shower (if I'm lucky to get one) at night.
~ Never serve the singleton a breakfast that can't manifest as an uncleaned spill for 20 minutes.  My singleton had just turned two when my twins were born. I kept his age in the front of my groggy head.
~ Have easy to eat breakfasts for you too - bars are easy: cereal, granola or protein!
~ Rules always change and can be changed to your necessity/personality/etc.  If you have a sick kid, are potty training or there's a big poo blow out, then obviously the order shifts - as it should.
~ Do what you feel is best regardless of what anyone says.  You learn a lot by following this tip!
~ Invest in some cute pajamas.  You might have to be in them for the day that 1st year; oh and you might have to answer the door in them too. Worth mentioning, you might have a day here or there in the 2nd or 3rd year in pajamas ALL day.
~ Arm yourself w/commercial free programming for the singleton.  I love PBS or Nickelodeon for a most likely needed diversion for the singleton.  Now that the twins are the toddlers & my singleton is preschool age, I still use TV successfully. 

Hopefully this helps.  Those first 4 months were so so busy 24/7 and nothing about my morning routine remained the same for the whole 1st year.  Now that the twins are used to walking and I'm used to them walking, we're getting back to another arena.  If only those darned toys would pick themselves up! I'm welcome to other tips and/or questions.  Comment here or email me claud@msn.com.

Procrastination Station

January 31, 2011 seems like a great day as any to start blogging. I had initially resolved to start this year being healthier, more organized and creative.  As a master of procrastination, it seemed right to at least start on the last day of the first month of the new year. 
Luckily for me I have a 3 yo son and 1 yo twin daughters that allow my procrastination excuse to prevail. Even as I type, albeit with both hands (right now); I am trying to think creatively while wrestling one twin for my chair, another twin with my mobile phone and answering about 20 separate requests.  In fact, I've gotten up from this chair no less than 5 X's  - oops, hold please, another request - whilst writing just this paragraph.
How often does this happen to you?  You want to do just ONE thing, but alas even a 10 minute task stretches to all afternoon.  Seriously! Trying to go to the bathroom and getting there solo can be trying. And although this situation is not privy to those of us with multiples or multiples + singleton(s), I somehow feel just a bit more validated to say "I'll do it later" b/c it's the choice I make.  I record my one daily program so I can push pause 50 X's while watching in order to ride a make-believe horse with my son or answer a call or check on my nap-procrastinating twins (hmmm - genetics?). 
My favorite AND least favorite task to procrastinate is housework.  I've given up on the toys!  They will not be placed in any kind of organized situation.  Try as I might, or rather dream my little dream; I'm just not good at it and do not enjoy it one bit.  My solution - get over what I think others' might think.  I shouldn't be so egotistical to think someones giving my cluttered home another thought on how it reflects on me.  Of course, the debbie downer here is that I trip, stub toes, cringe at the chaos, etc.  That's why it's my least favorite.  Hmmmm - I think I'll resolve to potty train the twins and use the diaper money on some help.  Oh gees - this blogging thing is so darned cathartic - feeling better already. 
I sure hope I can reach some other mom's w/a similar situation to mine.  I've not found many blogs that I can relate to with regards to my offspring.  Wouldn't trade it for the world, but am happy when I learn something that makes life w/them a wee bit easier. 
Well, gotta go.  Must break up some sibling melee!  Cheers ~ Claudia